My heart was so full a month ago. I had a secret, a joyous secret. A little life growing inside me. "Have a good day at school... both of you!" from my husband as I headed out the door. Dreaming about meeting our baby in the spring. Strategizing how to get my maternity and baby clothes out of storage half a world away. Praying for the tiny blessing in my womb.
A week of horror... fears, then fears confirmed. Loss, grief, a simple funeral for a tiny child... And now I feel so empty. It's just me again. When I head out the door it's just me and my books and a pile of catch-up work and kanji to learn. It's so easy to feel empty, alone, purposeless.
But I am reminded that I am not empty. I have the God of the universe living in me, filling my sorrowful heart with his silent presence. I find comfort that the baby I so longed to hold and so desperately willed to live is safe in his care.
Oh, tiny child, my broken heart longs for heaven more than ever because of you. And as I use my simple Japanese to tell your story, I pray that your too-short life will open doors to share the hope we can only have because of Christ.